So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
