She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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