so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I am one with the molecules
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
