I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize