Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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