a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize