The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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