It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
