Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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