She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize