One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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