So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He shit in the fireplace
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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