If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
