I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
