Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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