Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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