You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
