i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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