Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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