Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
