there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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