Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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