it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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