omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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