do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
