you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
i now understand why vodka
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
