I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
