Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
