I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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