dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
