Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
