...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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