you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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