First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
