I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
