Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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