did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize