Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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