: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
