Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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