Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
