I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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