Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
