4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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