perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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