Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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