he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
