you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
