ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You've changed since you got that strap on
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
