There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
That accounts for only three of the penises
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
