He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
