when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Mom said you looked used
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
