Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
