so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
