everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
