Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
