hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I need a burrito and a hug.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
