I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
