how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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