I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
