You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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