hotel room ftw
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
