I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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