Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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