fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
