hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
