Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
this boner is exhausting
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
