hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
organizing the empties. That sober.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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