For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
