1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
it hurts more in the daytime
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
