And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
