we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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