omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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