Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
OPIZZABONMYDICK
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
