Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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