Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
