I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
